Dance Moms villain Abby Lee Miller traumatized a generation of reality TV dancers before her career came to an end.
But Miller hasn’t gone quietly, and is clearly hungry to return to the world of television.
Now she is obviously angling to become a Bravolebrity.
Miller is making her pitch to join The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Abby Lee Miller’s reign of terror is over.
Now, on YouTube, she is threatening viewers, posting a video titled: “Joining The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”
Please do not panic. Bravo has made no such offer.
What Miller wants is clicks, and she is certainly generating some buzz. Admittedly, it’s the buzz that an alarm makes.
Miller said that she was addressing a “rumor” … one that some think that she started herself.
“Andy Cohen, call me,” she said. “you have my number. I’ve sat on your couch before.”
“I am ready to sign on the dotted line,” Miller wrote.
She then joked: “Especially if this comes with a husband.”
There are many benefits, direct and indirect, to being a Real Housewife. But Bravo does not offer spouses.
Abby Lee Miller did not stop with that simple pitch, however.
She went on to weigh in on how she views the current Housewives lineup.
Specifically, she ranked them, and clearly does not think much of Dorit Kemsley.
Miller disparaged Dorit, Diana Jenkins, Crystla Kung Minkoff, Kathy Hilton, and Erika Jayne.
Some of those are easy targets. Others are odd choices.
Even as she ranked Erika at the bottom of the pyramid, she expressed that she could relate to her legal woes. Obviously.
On the next tier, Miller placed Sutton Stracke, Sheree Zampino, and Lisa Rinna.
We can joke that she and Sutton could bond over their shared racism scandals.
On the next level up, Miller held Garcelle Beauvais and Kyle Richards in high esteem. That actually fits pretty well.
Hilariously, at the top, Miller placed herself.
She is not on the cast. Frankly, it seems unlikely that she ever will be.
In fact, we struggle to think of any time that a messy display of openly desiring a spot on this franchise has worked out.
Miller has had a rough few years, and only some of that was her own doing.
In 2017, she began serving her prison sentence for fraud.
Prisons are worse places than they need to be. Even low-security facilities for white collar crimes are harsh environments.
The following year, Miller was able to enter a halfway house, part of her transition back to freedom.
However, she began to notice a creeping paralysis.
Emergency surgery on her spine uncovered that what doctors initially suspected to be an infection was actually Burkitt Lymphoma, a rare form of cancer.
Miller has since struggled to walk, enduring multiple setbacks in her recovery. Still, she managed a reality TV comeback.
Then, in 2020, multiple people spoke about the racism that they endured at Miller’s hands during Dance Moms.
Her comeback ended up being short-lived. Now, she pitches herself on YouTube hoping that curious people will click.